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| 12:41pm 02/02/2003 |
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mood:  loved music: Erik breathing..(he's still asleep. BUM! *laughs*)
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Well, I've been busy.
Of course my version of busy involves everything Erik Estrada but that's a minor detail. *wink*
I'm loving every minute that I'm with him. I can't really explain what it feels like because it's this overwhelming feeling that just goes through me everytime he's near, or everytime he touches me, or everytime my eyes meet his. He's completely my everything and I still somewhat think I'm dreaming.
*smiles* I once asked Dan to describe his love for Britney to me and he couldn't because he said there were no words. I didn't understand him then but I do know. There's just no way to put into the english language a feeling that strong. I thought that I'd never have that feeling, but that was before Erik.
Ok, I think I just reached a new level of sappyness. *laughs* Anyways, just wanted to say Hi, I'm alive. |
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| 03:13am 26/12/2002 |
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mood:  cheerful music: Erik humming
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Wow I've had a busy Christmas.
Well first I was in California with my parents. They wanted to open gifts bright ass early because they had other plans. Go figure. We opened gift and I was off to the airport to fly to New York. I love my family but, I just really wanted to be with Erik.
Once I got to New York, Dan picked me up and we went back to his house. And there I met my God daughter for the first time. *grins* She's adorable. Her and her sister.
Anyways, about the time all of this died down, Erik showed up at Dan's house just like he said he was going to and even though I knew he was coming, when he walked into the room, my heart almost stopped. He's so beautiful and I just can't believe that he's mine. It still feels like a dream. *smiles* Ok enough sappyness.
I pulled him into a spare bedroom and gave him his gift. It's a silver chain with a dog tag on it. I had it engraved so that it says, "Trevik" *smiles* He liked it so yes, I'm happy.
For those curious he gave me a promise ring. I just...*grins* I just love him so much.
So, off I go towards my man! *laughs* Night ya'll. |
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| 10:29pm 19/12/2002 |
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mood:  content music: me typing
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Well, I know a lot of you are wondering what's going on. *laughs* Allow me to explain.
Last night, Michelle called my cell. Imagine my surprise and relief when I heard her voice. That joy only lasted a few minutes until she said "It's over Trevor." I just knew I had heard her wrong. So I very shakily asked her what she meant and she said it again, "It's over. It's not working anymore. I don't love you anymore. I just didn't know how to tell you." I could have stayed on the phone to listen to her further elaborate but I didn't care. I hung up and went back to the hotel room that I'm sharing with Erik.
I came in the door and didn't really bother to hide that I was upset. He asked me what was wrong and I brushed him off and he persisted until I told him. He told me that she wasn't worth my tears, but I knew that. I was just mad that she waited so long to face the inevitable. I knew she wasn't the one for me. I've known that for a while. I was just mad that she prolonged what could have been done with months ago.
While I was standing there trying to gather my thoughts, Erik noticed a piece of paper behind me and he looked panicked to get it so I was curious to know what was on it. Well he got it before I had a chance to and put it in his back pocket. When he wouldn't give it to me when I asked to see it, I took it out of his pocket and fended him off while I read it. In it it said:
Dear Trevor,
you'll never read this, this is..it's my thoughts. it's just how i feel. something that i'll never tell because well, i don't want to lose you as a friend. i rather have you as a friend then nothing at all. but well, since you won't read this. i love you. i love you so fucking much. i love you with every damn breath of me and no one has ever made me feel complete. i know one time we shared something intimate but it was just a matter of feeling lonely. you moved on anyway. left me kind of standing there but in some weird aspect i loved you even more and i wanted to share everything with you. as i would look at you i would cry. as you would even flirt with me i'd blink back tears till i had nothing left and sobbed when you went away. i sit and watch you sleep and wish i could touch in a way i've never touched anyone. then have you moan out my name in exctasy. i'd watch you breath so perfect and peaceful and wish you were breathing because of the way i make you feel. i'll stop now. this is too much for me. maybe i'll be able to finish it one day. just maybe. or maybe just even tell it to your face. just maybe. just maybe. yeah, just maybe. i love you trevor and i will always. too bad you'll never see or read this.
Erik
I didn't know what to say. I just stood there staring at him for a long time while he sniffled, no doubt expecting the worse. Well the truth was, I couldn't believe he felt the same way.
It may come as a shock to most but I've always loved Erik. I just didn't think I had a chance so I just concentrated on girls. Seeing how I'm bi and all. I figured that if I couldn't have the perfect man, I didn't want any man. Just turns out my luck in girls is no better than it is with guys.
Well I finally broke my chain of thoughts and kissed him. I kissed him with everything I had. I kissed him until I had nothing left. God it felt so good to be that close to him. *sighs pleasantly* So now, he and I are together, as it should be I think.
*nods* I've got a keeper. I can feel it.
And Amy, if I did what I think I did, I'm sorry. Really sorry. But there's nothing I can do. I wish you all the happiness.
Well, I'm going to stop babbling. Night guys. |
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| 01:18am 19/12/2002 |
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mood:  contemplative
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I'm trying to comprehend this...
And I can't.
The only thing I want to feel is his lips on mine.
I have to make him see that this isn't bad...
I have to. |
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| 04:38pm 17/12/2002 |
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mood:  rushed music: talking
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Finally! A moment free! *laughs*
So while I have the time, let's touch the bases.
First of all, Dan and Brit. Wow. I can not believe that they have two little girls. I've seen them from when they first started dating from getting married to now having children. And, *smiles proudly* I'm Morgan's Godfather. That means so much to me. You have no idea. I can't wait to see them, but that won't be for a while. So while Dan was off having babies and whatnot, *laughs* I've been keeping to myself.
Truth be told, I haven't talked to Chelle in close to 3 months. I have no idea what's going on with us. I've tried to call her but I can't get in touch with her. I don't even know if I can call her my girlfriend anymore. *sighs* But on to another subject.
Performing has been nice. It's great to see the crowd response. German girls are really something else. *laughs*
Alright, seem I've run out of intelligent things to say. But if someone wants to kick my butt rountinely so that I remember to update this thing, be my guest. *laughs* Later. |
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| 08:44am 16/11/2002 |
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mood:  sad music: typing
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Today is my birthday. Yay for me. Wanna know what I plan to do today? Look for my girlfriend. Haven't seen or talked to her in 2 months. Not much of a relationship. |
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| What the hell.... |
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| 06:26am 16/10/2002 |
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mood:  confused music: typing
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I'm busy for a while and I come back and the whole world's gone absolutely crazy?
I got a call from Lance last night. Asking if I can meet him at a bar to pick Dan up. So of course my first immediate question was "Why is Dan at a bar and why do I need to pick him up?" Because this is Dan we're talking about. Mr. Do-gooder. He doesn't drink. At all.
Lance then says "Because he's drunk."
Ok. Whoa.
"Why is he drunk?" I ask.
"Because Britney left him." Lance replies.
Ok. Seond whoa.
I leave my house and meet them where Lance said to and I think it's the worse I've ever seen Dan look. His eyes were bloodshot, his face was tear streaked and he couldn't walk and his speech was a lot of slurs.
Once Dan was in the car I asked Lance just why it was Britney left and Lance told me that Cindy said she slept with Dan and apparently had some evidence to back it up.
*rolls eyes* She could have enough evidence to fill China and I still wouldn't believe it. I knew she was trouble. It's written all over her face.
I just can't believe Britney left. Her and Dan were such a power couple. They're the type of couple where you look to them as how you want your relationship to be. They made sence. A lot of sense. I've never seen Dan so happy than when he's in the presence of his wife. Or when he talks about her. He always told me that if she ever left he didn't know what he'd do. "Nothing sane." was his repsonse. Yeah...no kidding.
I wish I had had a camera on me to take a picture of Dan's face on the drive back to my house. It was the most broken expression I've ever seen. There was no life to his eyes and he stared limply out of the window. I don't like seeing my best friend like this. It's not supposed to happen like this. I know it's not.
Someone needs to fix this.....otherwise.....why believe in true love anymore? |
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| I'm back! |
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| 11:45am 17/08/2002 |
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mood:  happy music: Dan talking to Britney
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I know. I know. I've been incredibly slack on the updates. But it's ok, I'll get back into the swing of things. Where to start? Well at where I left off I guess.
I'm still very much in love with Michelle. She really does amaze me everyday and I'm extremely lucky to have her in my life. *smiles*
Lately I've been at Brit and Dan's house. When Zoe came to visit Dan just called me up and told me to come over. So I did. And no matter what Dan says, I did not start that water fight. I've been enjoying everyone's company. All 6 of us. Dan, Britney, Zoe, Taryn, Wade, and then me. That's a lot of people in one house but ya know what? Brit and Dan's house is big enough to host everyone. *laughs* I think I'll probably be leaving on Monday. I want to go visit Chelle. I haven't seen her in a week and I don't particularly like that. So I think I'm going to make my way to wherever she is.
Unfortunately I have run out of things to say. So I'm going to end here. Bye all! |
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| Earlyness! |
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| 07:06am 24/07/2002 |
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mood:  tired music: tv in background
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Why in God's name Dan is up this early? I wish I knew. He's sitting there like a litle lovesick puppy staring at Britney's picture. *shakes head* Sheesh.
And as for his bachelor party...what kind of man walks away from a stripper? Dan Miller. That's who. The stripper showed up, asked who the groom to be was, I pointed to Dan and she went up to Dan and started gyrating all over him. Dan backed away and politely told her that he was already married and walked out of the room. Leaving me, Dan's friends, Jayce and Justin with our heads cocked to the side in confusion. Generally other men are happy when women want to reveal themselves to them. But I guess Dan really just only wants Britney. *chuckles* Never thought I'd see the day that Dan only wanted one person. But I'm glad it's Brit. She's such a sweetheart and Chelle trusts her so that's good enough for me. Oh, if you're wondering, Chelle and I are fine. I'm still very much in love with her and I think she's very much in love with me. *laughs*
But ya know what? I'm going back to bed. It's insane to be up at this hour. Bye bye. |
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| Alrighty |
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| 06:56pm 03/07/2002 |
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mood: pleased music: Chelle singing absent mindedly
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Well first things first. Chelle wants to thank everyone for their birthday wishes. And for anyone wondering, I took Chelle away.
Our first stop was a 5 star resturant. I won't say which one because, well it was special to us. Our next stop was a horse drawn carriage right through the park. I think she really enjoyed that. And next was to a hotel suite where we could spend quality time together. I'm sorry this isn't really a very detailed update but to me, sharing every last detail of it would ruin the specialness of it. That made sense in my head so I hope it made sense to you. *laughs* So I'd just prefer to keep the memories to myself.
Happy Birthday my sweetheart. I love you. Always. |
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| 03:59pm 01/07/2002 |
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mood: happy music: TV in background
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I really need to get with this updating thing.
Alrighty, so first things first. I am Dan The Man's best man for his wedding. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I won't let ya down Dan. Count on it.
My baby's birthday is tomorrow. She's turning 20! I have something planned for her but she has no idea what it is and I'd like to keep it that way. *laughs* So Chelle, I shall see you tomorrow. And no trying to pump Dan for info cuz he won't tell you.
Bye everyone!
Oh and could Tom, Justin, and JC please contact me. I've got a bachelor party to plan. haha. |
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| Heeeey |
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| 10:14pm 25/06/2002 |
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mood:  amused music: me typing
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I'm still alive. I'm being lazy with the updates. Ok so here we go.
For one, Dan's married. I gotta tell you, I saw it coming. Dan's one that knows what he wants and it doesn't take him very long to go after it. From the first day he and Brit were together I knew it. I knew they were going to do it someday but I'm partly suprised that it was so soon. But congrats to the happy couple. I'm happy for you guys. And as for your Mom Dan, screw her. If she can't except it then that's her. Don't sacrifice your happiness for her stupidity.
Well, things are going ok with me and Chelle now. She's currently not with me but I still talk to her on the phone and all that stuff. I still love her. With all my heart. That's my baby. Always will be.
Ok that's all. Goodnight. |
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| Update |
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| 07:21pm 19/06/2002 |
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mood: content music: Back to your heart by BSB *shrugs* don't ask
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I just want to say to Janie, Xy, and Brit, that was more of you 3 than I EVER wanted to see last night. Very nice deversion though lol. Definitely got Ash and Jacob's attention.
So anyways, I've been having a ball with Chelle these last few days. I don't think she's going back anytime soon which is just fine with me. Oh and this must be said....Dan and Brit, you can have the bedroom tonight cuz Brit's leaving in the morning BUT don't do it again. Ask next time. And Daniel, after Brit's gone, sleep with one eye open. Revenge is a bitch. *evil grin*
That is all...... |
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| The wedding |
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| 12:51pm 05/06/2002 |
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So last night I caught a red eye flight to Hawaii because I had the sudden urge to go to Lance and Joey's wedding. I never turn down wedding's dude. And this one was beautiful. Besides a few interruptions *counghLesliecough* It was a great wedding. All the singing was great. Those guys are truly in love and I wish them all the happiness in the world. They deserve it. I like going to weddings cuz it gives me ideas for mine. Not that I'm getting married anytime soon or that I'm gonna propose to Chelle, just that if I ever do, I know how I want my wedding to look. I guess I've never been one of those guys who's scared of commitment. Because truthfully, that's all I ever wanted. That someone who I can be with for the rest of my life and just know that everything is going to be all right because I have them.
And honestly....
I've found that someone.... |
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| Looked like fun... |
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| 01:25pm 03/06/2002 |
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mood: amused music: me breathing
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1 minute ago: said hello to Chelle
1 day ago: was bored out of my mind
1 week ago: with Chelle
1 year ago: touring
5 minutes ago: got online
5 days ago: tour ended
5 weeks ago: was on tour
5 months ago: I have no clue
5 years ago: wasn't in O-Town
I hurt: my head
I love: Michelle Branch with all my heart
I hate: closed minded people
I fear: that Chelle won't want me anymore
I hope: I'll be with Chelle forever
I feel alone: right now
I break: glasses. *sorry Dan lol
I listen: my baby's voice
I hide: my insecurities
I drive: myself crazy thinking about Chelle
I breathe: music
I play: keyboard
I miss: Chelle, so much I can't breathe
I learn: from my mistakes
I feel: antsy
I know: that I love Chelle
I say: a lot of things
I dream: to have a full future with Chelle
I want: Chelle
I fell: for Chelle
I wait: for my whole life to be perfect
I need: Chelle
- last movie you saw: Dr. Dolittle 2
- last movie you saw on the big screen: Oh good lord, I can't remember
- last phone number you called: my baby
- last show you watched on TV: how to live like a rockstar on MTV
- last song you heard: Falling by Nsync
- last thing you had to drink: milk
- last thing you ate: cake
- last time you showered: today
- last time you cried: been awhile
- last time you smiled: about 2 seconds ago
- last time you laughed: ^
- last person you hugged: Chelle
- last person you kissed: Chelle
- last thing you said: "I've missed you so much."
- last person you talked to online: Chelle
- last person you talked to on the phone: Chelle
- last thing you smelled: Chelle's hair
Do you...
- smoke? no
- do drugs? no
- drink? yes
- have sex? no (not that I wouldn't like to haha)
- sleep with stuffed animals? no
- have a crush? no
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes
- have a dream that keeps coming back? no
- play an instrument? yes
- believe there is life on other planets? not particularly
- read the newspaper? every now and then
- have any gay or lesbian friends? yes
- believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? absolutely
- consider yourself tolerant of others? usually
- consider police a friend or foe? depends on the situation
- like the taste of alcohol? yes
- have a favourite Stooge? no
- believe in astrology? somewhat
- believe in magic? somewhat
- pray? yes
- go to church? every chance I get, which isn't always often
- have any secrets? yes
- have any pets? yes
- go to or plan to go to college? no
- have a degree? no
- talk to strangers who instant message you? sometimes
- wear hats? yeah
- have any piercings? Yes
- have any tattoos? yes
- have a "hot spot"? yes but that's confidential information that only my girlfriend will know. *wink*
- wish on stars? sometimes
- like your handwriting? it's ok
- have any bad habits? yeah
- believe in witches? eh. somewhat
- believe in Satan? I believe he exists but I don't believe in him
- believe in ghosts? Yes
- believe in Santa? no
- believe in the Easter Bunny? no
- believe in the Tooth Fairy? no
- have a second family? more than 2 but yes ;p;
- trust others easily? not really
- like sarcasm? if it's funny then yes
- take walks in the rain? hmmm...I should try that with Chelle
- sing in the shower? everywhere
Name: Trevor
Do you like it?: I guess
Screen names: TrevVoRr
Birthday: November 16, 1979
Location: Florida
School: No
Crush: Chelle
Natural hair color: brownish black
Current hair color: black with frosted tips
Eye color: Brown
Height: 6'2
Me/You: Me
Coke/Pepsi: Pepsi
Day/night: Day
Lights on/off: on
AOL/aim: AOL
CD/cassette: CDs
Dvd/VCR: DVD
Jeans/khakis: Jeans
Car/truck: Car
Tall/short: Tall
Lunch/dinner: Dinner
NSYNC/BSB: nsync
Britney/Christina: both lol
Lipstick/Lip gloss: on chelle, lip gloss
Silver/Gold: Silver |
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| OOC |
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| 05:10pm 22/05/2002 |
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mood:  annoyed music: none
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[I won't be on for a while. I'm not sure when. But I'll be away for a while because my parents grounded me over stupid shit, once again. So I'm sorry. I'll try to sneak.] |
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| I'm up early.....well for me at least. |
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| 11:01am 18/05/2002 |
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mood: sleepy music: Dan snoring
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So yesterday, I made Chelle extrememly happy. And nothing makes me happier than to see her happy. For all who don't know, I gave her a dozen roses, with a fake one in it, a necklace with a diamond heart on it, and a plane ticket to Manchester, New Hampshire which would be where I am right now. She completely freaked and I loved every minute of it. If you ask me she's worth much more than that and I can't wait to give it to her. I'd give her the world If I could. She's just so....so....ah words can't even describe! *sighs* I can't wait until she lands so I can have her in my arms again. *smiles*
Ok well I feel sleep kicking in once again. Guess I'm not up for good haha. I'm going back to bed. Bye all! |
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trev_penick's journal
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